Managing disagreements
Managing disagreements
Topics in
this section
1 Reasons for disagreements
2 Ways to manage disagreements
3 Effectively communicate during a disagreement
Is there jealousy in my relationship?
The idea of losing your partner can be a source of concern. . The idea of losing your partner can be a source of concern.
However, jealousy is not a proof of love, but rather a sign of a lack of confidence in oneself or one's partner. You can ask yourself questions to determine whether jealousy is present in a relationship. For example, does someone in the relationship:
- Pry into the other's cell phone without permission?
- Make the other person feel bad about talking to certain people?
- Restrict the other's use of social media?
- Constantly asks who the other person is texting with?
- Wants to know where the other person is and with whom at all times?
What do I do when there is jealousy in my relationship?
If you notice that jealousy is present in your relationship, ask yourself some questions:
- Where is this jealousy coming from? Is it linked to a lack of confidence in myself or of trust in my partner?
- What situations in our relationship trigger a feeling of jealousy?
- How do I feel or how does my partner feel in these situations?
- What strategies can we implement in our relationship to reduce jealousy?
It is normal to feel jealous, but it’s what you do about it that’s important . If there is jealousy or other themes of disagreement in your relationship, you can use the following strategies to effectively manage them.
What are the potential consequences of jealousy?
Jealousy can lead to different consequences from one person to another, even within the same relationship. It can bring up unpleasant emotions for both partners, for example, anger or disappointment . It can also lead to more disagreements in the relationship or escalate to controlling and violent behaviour . If this is the case, talk to an adult you trust.
If you think that jealousy is present in your relationship, think about how you feel and how the other person may feel.
2 Ways to manage disagreements
What are the best ways to manage my disagreements?
There are several ways to manage disagreements in your relationships. The strategy you use to deal with your disagreements will have an impact on the way they end. Here are different strategies to help you effectively manage them:
- I clarify the emotions I feel, and I express them
- I take the time to calm down before speaking
- I choose the right moment to talk about it
- I tell the other person that I want to discuss something important and ask them if they are open to talking about it
- I think of a good way to say things
- If it’s appropriate, I use humour to lighten the mood
- I try to resolve the situation, not to win or be right
- I accept that the other person sees things differently
- I express my needs and expectations
- I look for a solution that is acceptable for everyone
- I use the FEMG method to express myself in a positive way
What do I do if the same disagreement keeps coming up in my relationship?
- Ask yourself if the strategies you’re using to manage the disagreement are effective and try different strategies
- Ask yourself why you’re having this disagreement so you can find an acceptable solution for the partners
- If the disagreements keep coming up despite the strategies you’re using to resolve them, give yourself the right to question your relationship or to think about breaking up
A disagreement or conflict becomes problematic if it happens too often in the relationship or if it escalates, for example, if the partners start saying hurtful things to each other or using violence. Communication should be the preferred strategy to resolve disagreements and violence should never be tolerated.
3 Effectively communicate during a disagreement
How do I effectively communicate during a disagreement?
It’s not always easy to communicate with others, to clearly express yourself, and to make others understand you correctly, especially during a disagreement. But there are 3 tips that can help you and that are easy to remember with the acronym FEMG :
Facts
Mention actual observable FACTS rather than perceptions or opinions.
Emotions
Tell the other person the EMOTIONS you’re feeling in the situation, but without accusing them (avoid using “you” statements).
MiddleGround
Find the MIDDLE GROUND that is realistic and positive and meets the needs of everyone involved in the disagreement.
You can use these 3 communication tips
during all your discussions to express your point of view in a respectful way while listening to the other person’s! And don’t forget that you can always try again if you think that communication was not optimal.